Thursday, July 19, 2012

I can't stop the crying.

Jesus fuck, Beatles. Why do you do this to me?

I was peacefully listening to Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, tapping my foot and "She's Leaving Home" comes on.

Ok, I'm alright. I can make it through the song. It's not too bad......oh, I cannot control my crazy person brain. Must.....start....weeping....uncontrollably.

I just cannot listen to that damned song without crying. I can't do it. It is just the saddest thing my brain has ever heard. And apparently either I'm gonna need some good drugs when the kids go to college, or they are gonna live with me until they bash me in the head with a typewriter like Kathy Bates in Misery.

"I can't let you leave, kids."

Since having kids this happens. I cry at everything. I don't know if it's hormonal, or if it's psychological because now after having kids I have more context to my life, but I cannot control myself.

When someone dies on tv. Commercials about puppies. Commercials about elderly Alzheimer ridden mothers living with their daughters (dude, I should stop watching tv). I'm a lunatic.

But it's especially bad when it's something about kids. When I was pregnant with Phoenix, Jude convinced me to watch Oz (good show) and they had a character whose kids were kidnapped and they sent him his son's hand. I LOST MY FUCKING MIND. A little piece of my brain died, just trying to process the possibility that something could ever happen to MY child and how I would feel. And I just haven't been the same since. Now I well up over cartoons. I'm pathetic.

But it's not just sad stuff. I'm a giant sap now. And I hate it. I can't stop the crying. I AM NOT THIS PERSON!

..Except that I guess I am now and will just have to deal.

Stock up on the tissues and break out your water wings, kids. Cause just when you don't want me to embarass you, not only will I cry, I'm gonna blubber like a baby.

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