Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I cannot wait for school to start.

I am doing a pros and cons list currently in my head.

I am hating this no school thing (and yes, I know I bitched all school year about not being able to wait for school to end, I see the irony).

I never expected to want to have somewhere to be, but the boredom is setting in and if I have to listen to one more kid fight, I'm gonna start the school year bald, or down a child.

And I rather like my hair.

Don't get me wrong, I love not having to wake up at 6am and get three kids out the door kicking and screaming mid-Elmo's World.

I love not making coffee with one eye open and spilling and breaking things while I try to make a breakfast that I am too tired to be hungry to eat.

I love not having to parking lot wrestle bitches for spaces and not starting and ending my day with angry under the breath mutterings, telling people to go to hell for constantly inconveniencing me.

I would say that I love the lack of homework (which, let's stop playing coy, I'm fucking doing all the hard work for) but the school ruined that one for us by giving Phoenix "Summer Homework" (who does that?!?), and like 80 pages of it at that.

I like not doing parent-teacher crap and having the teacher make me feel like my kid needs to change who she is to fit some classroom expectation. I'm quirky, her dad's quirky. If she wasn't a little weird, frankly I would be concerned.

What I do miss, however, is the silence. Yeah, I am still stuck with one kid (Holden) and it's not a ton of time to myself between when I drop everyone off and when I have to go and get Cora again, but it is WAY better than nothing.

And I know we are a weird bunch, but I am hard-pressed to think of a single time that I have seen one of my children pick a fight with themselves, so ONE is the perfect number of kids to spend time with.

It is also the perfect amount of kids to shop/walk/nap with. Trying to coordinate the wants and needs and whims for three kids 24/7 is mentally exhausting.

I need that little bit of time where someone else is responsible for breaking up fights (or warding off stabbing attempts, sorry in advance to whoever Cora's teacher is gonna be this year) and where I am not the sole recipient of the phrase "I'M BOOOORED!!!!!"

On that note, our kids have literally hundreds (hundreds!) of dollars worth of toys that they have broken and turned into useless shit. I am dumbfounded. I played with stuff when I was a kid. We just got told to go play and off we went. FOR FUCKING HOURS. HOURS AND HOURS OF GLORIOUS LACK OF ADULT SUPERVISION. And my kids cannot go five minutes without asking me how I can better assist them with not being bored or punching each other in the face.

I love my kids. But I cannot wait for school to start. And on the first day of school, I think I'm gonna pee my pants and squeal in glee whilst watching their classroom doors shut with them on the other side.

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