Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Cleaning the house with kids is pointless.

My kids, gotta love them, are the biggest pigs on the face of the earth.

When they eat, they wipe their mouthes with their shirt sleeves (or sometimes just their bare arms eww) and throw their food on the floor when they're done.

They spill shit, they break shit, they shit on things in the house. They generally just leave a warpath behind them of broken, shitted on things, where ever they go.

So it's not a surprise really that my house is a mess, all the time.

And single people, I'm sure you think you can sympathize, but you can't. You see, pre-kids mess and after kids mess means two different things. It's like going to war overseas. Only those people who were on the front lines with you REALLY know what happened.

Let me enlighten you.

Before kids, when you said your house was messy, you meant you hadn't done laundry for the week and there are a few dishes in the sink.

After kids, it means smelling poop and needing to look through piles of filth to find it. It means that, when you say you haven't done laundry, you mean that every article of clothing in (and spilling out of ) the laundry basket is covered in at least one (or more, friendly fire!) child's fecal matter, urine or vomit. It means that you can remember, not only what you had for dinner last night, but sometimes what you had for lunch and breakfast the day before since those dishes are still hanging out, waiting for you to get to them.

Stains for singles mean coffee, soda, oh GASP! fruit punch (you're cute).

Stains for people with kids means either a bodily fluid, permanent marker, or someone found mommy's nail polish.

You have no idea what you are getting into.


I have resigned myself to the fact that my house will never be clean again. I am gonna sit here in this toy pile nightmare and just deal. Because cleaning the house with kids is pointless.

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