Either I'm a big pussy, or migraines are the devil.

I have headaches. Who doesn't? And I have, in the past, had really bad headaches. The kind where you want to punch the next kid who whispers in your direction right in their cute little button nose. These type of headaches usually accompany a night of persistent drunk-foolery and many sentences that end in the word "bitches!"

But today. Holy shit. Today, I experienced a big girl headache. I had a migraine.

I have heard women utter the phrase "I have a migraine" before and I thought I knew what they meant. I'm sure for most people, when you say you have a "migraine", you just usually mean that it's a bad headache and you're a drama queen. Or you want to get out of sex, or chores. But I get it now.

I was all fine and dandy, watching the kids play Wii and all of a sudden, double vision. Then the lights were too bright and my eyes refused to focus. I strained to see. I started seeing spots and started praying to like 10 different deities. It was terrifying. And lasted like an hour. I honest to God thought I was about to die.

I was convinced that I had either had a stroke or some sort of rare double retina detachment (which would totally only happen to me), so my bff drove me to the ER, where I sat, panic-stricken and mentally repenting for all the sins I have ever committed.

"I'm having a heart attack or a stroke or something!" I said when I walked up to the registration desk.

The nurse took my vitals and shooed me back into the waiting room. That should have been my first sign that I wasn't on death row yet. But there I sat, in the squeaky plastic waiting room chair, shaking like a leaf and convinced I was gonna drop dead, my heart pounding out of my chest.

"We ran some tests and everything came out fine," they said.

"A complex migraine can mimic a stroke," they said.

Now you tell me. After I have already promised myself ridiculousness to the tune of "I'm gonna start working out," and "I'm not eating any more red meat." Well fuck that noise.

Part of me feels like a pussy, because I made such a big deal out of having a migraine.

The other part of me... Feels like I survived one hell of a migraine. I'm still not entirely convinced that I'm not dying. Migraines are no joke.