8:30 in the morning is too early to have to actively TRY not to kill people with my car. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to re-name our car "CHILD SLAYER". I will emblazon this name on the hood of my car, throw on some horns and paint flames up the sides.
All of the kids with a little bit of common sense will know to stay away from CHILD SLAYER. There will be tales told about how my car eats children and they will scream and run in fear on sight. When they hear the purr of my engine, they will walk faster through crosswalks and clear the street. It will be magical.
Of course, that will be probably backfire on me, living in the San Francisco area. All of the little hipster kids will jump in front of CHILD SLAYER because they want to die in the most ironic way possible. Skinny jeans, flannels and thick, black glasses will be stuck in the undercarriage. CHILD SLAYER will go all Christine on me and will force me to listen to mixed tapes of shitty underground bands. And it will refuse to take in anything but gasoline made from ears of corn.
That sounds like way too much work. Maybe I should get just start getting a little more sleep.
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